Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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