Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
