I want to have your abortion
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
