I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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