I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
