But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize