I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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