hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
