From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
