I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
