Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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