i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
