5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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