Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize