So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
