WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
