I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you're hired as official boob wrangler
and you fell through a lawn chair
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
