I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
