you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
