wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
