there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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