I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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