dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
