Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
