I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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