Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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