i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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