Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
