I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
