WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
