dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
