Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
