Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
