I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
