His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
