just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
