last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
