I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
