Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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