My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
im on a boat
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