everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
