Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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