I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
