I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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