so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
