Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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