yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize