Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
