Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
