this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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