her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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