he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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