what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
