So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
