I hate all girls vehemently.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
