So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize