You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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