I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
