plz talk dirty to me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
