At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
