just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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