I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Where did you get a picture of my penis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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