Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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