he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
