I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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