It's Friday. Sex?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
