I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
