I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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