so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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