mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
