I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
