the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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