I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bring me that man meat
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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