$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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