...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My feet surprised me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
