You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
