Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
