i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
