Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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