It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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