Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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