nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
